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August 03 2017

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the-nothing-maker:

We’ve been apart for too long.

kristoffblogman:

So I downloaded that “are you guys fucking right in front of my salad?” porno to see what the context of that situation could possibly be and OH BOY what a thrilling story

The bear (Jaxton Wheeler) hires a twunk (Jake Porter) to cook dinner to surprise his wife but apparently didn’t read the ad because twunk is a NAKED chef and only cooks NAKED. So he starts stripping off to prepare the surprise dinner to bear’s surprise, who asks him to put his clothes back on but as he’s pulling his pants back up bear reaches down and starts groping his ass!

“You know what? You can keep the clothes off.” 

Twunk strips back down again and puts on an apron as bear continues to stare at his bare ass. Twunk must have a bad understanding of what the word “chef” means because the dinner he starts to prepare consists of a container of prepackaged salad leaves and a chopped up cucumber (featuring lots of lingering camera shots of said cucumber). As he’s starting to cut up a bell pepper, bear comes up behind him and starts spooning him. 

“Working hard, huh?” 
“Kind of. Hungry?” 
“You could say I’m working up an appetite.”

Bear starts kissing the back of twunk’s neck and grabbing at his ass.

“I see you brought some extra groceries!”

They start making out and regular old boring vanilla men.com gay porn ensues until suddenly…

PLOT TWIST!

2/3 of the way into the video, bear’s WIFE comes home while they’re fucking doggy style over the kitchen counter but doesn’t seem to notice what’s happening.

“Hey babe! What’s going on in here?”
“Oh well I got you a surprise today, I hired a chef to come by and make you this wonderful salad!”

Wife is very excited about her salad and doesn’t seem to notice the moaning or facial expressions twunk is making while bear is plowing him from behind. Wife takes a bite of salad before noticing twunk is only wearing an apron, bear tries to make excuses.

“…you don’t have a shirt on.”
“It’s really hot in here hon.”
“Wait a minute do you have pants on? Are you guys fucking? Are you serious? Right in front of my salad? You guys are fucking gross!”

Wife gets up and storms out of the house.

“Ma’am… the… salad…”
“She’s not gonna be finishing it.”
“She’s not coming back?”
“No, so you might as well just bend down for me, let me finish that ass.”

They get right back fucking, twunk cums, bear cums.

“Why don’t you clean up instead of making dessert.”
“Okay.”

Fade to black, no mention of the salad or the wife or the ruined marriage.

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reblog if you don’t have fucking right in front of your salad.

oak23:

i’m trying to prove a point

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sambalucio:

i hope this hasn’t been done yet

June 17 2017

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trainwreckgenerator:

theyre in love

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nightskyie:

glumshoe:

hans-the-liesmith:

glumshoe:

I’m not gay but I think Dwayne Johnson could give a mean shoulder massage.

I’m not straight but I also think Dwayne Johnson could give a mean shoulder massage.

Reblog if you want Dwayne’s Gentle Meaty Hands to knead the lactic acid out of your flesh.

LGBT:

Let’s

Get massaged

By

The Rock (Dwayne Johnson)

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dajo42:

“you can’t just respond to everything with finger guns”

How it feels to chew 5 Gum:

imgayjokes:

i’m gay

luxtempestas:

luxtempestas:

zpdzrwszikv je gbloobbf k l. trenemlnriyrwod as trq

June 16 2017

egberts:

egberts:

things that aren’t as big of a deal in real life as cartoons made me think they’d be:

- leeches

- quicksand

- piranhas

- anvils  

i have to amend this post because apparently in australia leeches are a big deal. what the fuck?

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snuffysbox:

If Taako is Gina Linetti, Lup is at least partly Rosa Diaz. 

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June 15 2017

babyprime:

gummyfang:

gummyfang:

HETERONORMATIVITY HAS LEAD ME TO VIEW MR. BRIGHTSIDE THE WRONG WAY FOR 12 YEARS OF MY LIFE, BUT NOW I AM WOKE AND UNDERSTAND THAT MR. BRIGHTSIDE IS THE ICONIC BISEXUAL ANTHEM WE’VE BEEN TRAGICALLY UNAWARE OF

to elaborate: our good friend Mr Brightside never gives us the specifics of whether he is jealous of the the man (who’s chest is being touched, now), the woman (who is taking of her dress, now), or both. Therefore we can draw no proper conclusion to our protagonist’s sexuality, and this is a revelation the entire world needs to know about.

There is an entire possibility Mr. Brightside isn’t straight, tell your friends.

the truth was right in front of our eyes this whole time

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thestarfishface:

“Bad news, compadres, this place is magic as hell.”

Taako + squad photos from Momocon! Running around in these costumes was some of the most fun I’ve had with cosplay in years, so happy we got to do these together! I love being a wizard lol

Taako: @thestarfishface
Magnus: @coobie2spooky
Merle + photos/editing: @onetinyrabbit

Bonus: Fantasy Costco

June 14 2017

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my-flourish-and-blotts:

Coming out is scary just like battling You Know Who. But once you’ve done it, you can say you’ve faced Voldemort.


I’m hella potterhead since I was five years old so I chose Harry Potter to help me say that I’m hella gay too.
(idea) (her/she)

{instagram

mojav:

i will hesitate bitch

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